Well today is day 6 of my Begin Again Journey and so far so good I have done well with thinking positive and Conquering the two things that I started out to do this week. One of those was no snacking and also no alcohol. I never talk good about myself but I am going to today today is 6 days since I’ve had any snacks and that’s like potato chips cookies crackers things like that not including protein bars things that are good for me, carrots excetera. No snacking excess empty calories is what I’m referring to.
Saturday wine tasting is something that I would do when my husband had somewjere to go. Now I drank everyday but even more so when my husband had somewhere to go and ride on his bike with his motorcycle friends and his Club. I would wait until he left to go to the store and buy a huge bottle of my White Zinfandel wine. And yes I would pretty much drink at all. And I would drink a lot of water to try it calm down the hangover that I knew I was going to have the following day. So today was a test for me as he had to go somewhere today with his friends on his motorcycle, and I was thinking to myself what I used to do and you know what, I did not do it. As I sit here on the couch and right this, there are three bottles of wine in the kitchen. My white zinfandel preferred, and there they sit unopened. He bought those for me. And there they will remain. Now I’m don’t know if I’m ever going to drink again or if I’m going to have a glass of wine with dinner in the future. At this point I don’t know. But at this point I know that empty and excess calories from wine alone has hindered me and made me gain weight especially due to my knee. I can’t exercise very much because of my knee pain and my knee pain is exasperated by my weight. The more weight, the more pressure that is on my knee. So I have to lose weight to make my knee feel better. Hints what I’m doing. I didn’t say I was trying to do, I said I’m doing. That is a major thing that I just did. I would say oh I’ll try, I think about doing good, I hope I do good. No it is I am going to do.
So how do I feel on day 6 from when I started on Monday and FYI as I write this it is Saturday. Well I enjoy not waking up with a headache due to wine and I do feel like I’m not as bloated if that makes any sense. I also have noticed that my bowel movements, TMI, I’m sorry, has regulated somewhat. I think with me not eating any type of fast food whatsoever, no fried foods, No Junk fast food snacks, and eating better overall, I believe that my body will now have regular movements instead of me being worried about going to the bathroom all the time. Ask my friend Michelle, she knew I had to clothes at work and if I was gone a long time she was instructed to bring my little pink bag to me with my clothes. truth
Yesterday was hard because of the work thing but I explained that yesterday. Last night we got home and we went down the street near our house to a concert outside. It was kind of cold. I forgot my gloves which made me mad cuz my hands got cold haha. But I felt good being outside and in public. I realize the more depressed I was, I didn’t want to venture out anywhere and have people see me. I think that was one reason I was scared when they wanted to move me over to the parts department cuz I did not want people to see me. And say oh my God look at that fat lady who is that and have somebody laugh at me. I’m so afraid people will laugh at me because of what I look like. But yesterday, the guys were very nice helpful. I felt very at ease and comfortable. I was okay. But we’ll see what happens next week all I can do is just try to remain focused on myself and I use the word try there because I’m talking about work, not about me not doing what I know I need and have to do. Now come Monday I’m adding two more things that I will be doing. It may possibly be three. But two of them I will advise you have nothing whatsoever to do with food and eating a food. So think about that if you want to.
I’m still journaling in my notebook writing down my feelings, and I encourage my husband to read it and if he wants to respond back to me he is more than welcome to in writing. He is more stronger mentally than I am I’m very passive and so I don’t like to argue and I won’t argue back. So when he upsets me, I will write it and I will show him and let him read my feelings in my words, because obviously I write better than I talk haha.
So today is Saturday it’s rainy and it’s kind of cold out my right knee is killing me. I was going to go to the turkey shoot tonight with him but I’m not sure if I’m going to because of my knee. Now they’re going to be doing it for the next 6 weeks so it’s not like I’m going to miss one haha. And tonight is the Halloween party for another motorcycle club near us. Of course I want to go and see my friends and I love everybody there. But earlier this week I told him I did not want to go. Why? I want to stay sober and I want to stay in control. Right now, as I write this I am very much in control. I am stronger now than I was Monday when I started this. I don’t even know what this is I started. I’m not on a diet, I’m just eating better thinking better trying to do better because of my knee. And I use the word try because I can’t exercise I can’t walk very far so I’m going to try to do better with my knee. I’m hoping that as the days go by and they turn into a week or maybe two or maybe three weeks, maybe my right knee will take on a better feeling. The more weight I lose, hopefully the better my knee will feel.
Each person is different. You eat different than I do people like different things than I like exercise wise Etc. So do it works for you I’m doing what I know works for me. That’s all I can do that is all I can offer.
I’m remaining true to myself and I’m also going to remain true to anybody that reads this. I’m not going to lie nor am I not going to hold back . I’m going to hold myself accountable. Because if I don’t do something about it, my weight AKA my knee pain, nobody is. I do not want knee surgery. The doctor says if I lose weight my knee will get better. It’s always going to hurt because I have arthritis and they give me gel shots to help and cortisone shots and they help. But I know losing weight will also help.
Thank you again if you read this, and if you want to comment please do so down below let me know your thoughts your feelings advice questions suggestions or just tell me to screw off if you want. But I would love to hear from you.
Till next time
Lovely, positive and interesting post. I know how you feel about how you perceive how other people view you but just remember they are not important. How you feel about yourself and keeping so positive is your main goal. Your supportive husband is s big bonus . Please keep up with your blog, I am enjoying reading about your journey and your thoughts. My hope is that I can stay as motivated as you and we can go along this important path “together”
Thank you for so much for taking time out to talk to me today. I find it odd that people could feel like me, be it weight, outward appearances, etc but I also find it a relief. To know I am not alone. That gives me comfort and I thamk you for that. It is a day in and day out thing and also hour by hour for me. I have to think about this all the time. Hub is supportive and for that, I a extremely thankful. Esp now that my knees has me so limited. Thank you for reading and please know you made me smile 🙂
Geez anyone that would tell you to screw off needs a slap upside the head. Seriously don’t encourage that you deserve so much better for yourself. Good luck with your journey and believe in yourself you can do it and will. Sending a big hug xox.
YOU are corect and I won’t do that again. I appreciate you for taking time out to let me hear from you. Thank you again!!!!!!!!!!