In the building where I work now, they are restructuring everything and they moved me to the parts department behind the counter, I’m a pretty insecure person I always fear people judge me based on what I look like before they get to know me. So now when customers come up to the counter, they can see me sitting there because my desk is lower than the counter, and this got me worked up very badly this morning.
Grant it everybody there is very nice to me there are some people that I do not know because I’ve never saw them. Perhaps now that will change. I’m very insecure on how I look I think basically because of how I was raised. My mother always called me fat even when I wasn’t and I’ve always heard her mention how people look at people and I heard her judging people on what they look like and War and soul naturally I’m uneasy.
So I called my husband and talked to him a little bit and he said you know what there people in this world who have no teeth no arms no legs are in wheelchairs they ain’t got no hair freckles they’re all different colors he says it doesn’t matter what anybody looks like. Now I know this is true. But this is me we’re talking about. But my husband really doesn’t have a weight problem so he doesn’t really understand how people look at people in judge. I think I’m one of the lucky ones where he doesn’t judge people. His sister was very very large when she died of muscular dystrophy and of course he’s dealt with me my entire marriage of 34 years up and down weight loss yo-yo. So I’m thankful for that but he doesn’t really grasp the end anxiety that I had this morning. If I would have had some kind of antidepressant or pill I probably would have took it because I was really spazzing out my whole body was shaking. But I put on my actress face and took a deep breath and such as roll with it. So I rolled with it. I rolled my little chair back there that desk sat down answer the phone and act like I knew what I was doing.
They moved my co-workers D and C to a little building about 30 feet away from me. I think why the construction is going on it’s going to be about 3 weeks maybe a month. So I guess if I need something or they need paperwork I’m going to have to walk over there and it hurts my knees to walk and when it doesn’t use my cane and I have a lip sometimes it hurts really bad especially if it’s raining or if there’s a very cold front coming through I can get very stiff. In fact they were going to have me sitting up at the counter in the parks department. But d the one lady she was telling the manager that she can’t get up there on that with her knee like that she can’t have it hang and she has to have it flat. So she kind of put herself out there and got me that little desk behind the counter instead of having to haul myself up onto the stool and risk damaging my knee bless her heart so I am very thankful for that.
And well that’s where I am today. I did not overeat because I couldn’t because one hubby made my lunch he made what I have to eat for today. So whatever is in my bag is what I eat. And I have my protein bar which has 30 grams of protein in it which is phenomenal by the way to have for snack about 3 or 4 when I do get hungry. Remember to lose weight it’s not to starve yourself you need to take in less calories than you can burn off.
And due to my knee I can’t do the walkie that I wish I could do so I have to make sure I’m taking him less calories than I normally would but I’m not starving or depriving myself.
And I’m drinking a lot of my peach tea and water. My peach tea is Crystal Light sugar-free so don’t think it’s t and if I do have tea it’s a small glass and it usually turns out to be too sweet even for me a southern girl.
So today is a teste day for me and I’m trying to handle it as best I can without spazzing out causing a scene everything.
Comment below if you have any suggestions or ideas for me to be calm over things like that. I do get nervous around people I always have I’m always afraid of the Judgment before people know me. But I know people do that in all things. I just keep Imagining the customers coming up to the counter looking over and seeing this person aka me and they’re thinking good God Almighty what is that hahaha
Tonight we’re going to a concert near my house hubs going to drop me off I’m going to walk to the chairs and he’s already going to have out there for us and I’m going to enjoy myself with my husband and then I will go home. Tomorrow I’m going to a turkey shoot with my husband for his motorcycle club. I was invited to a Halloween party on Saturday tomorrow, but I’m trying very hard to remain sober for my first 7 days and remain in control. I strongly feel my confidence level rising the more I am in control of things. And if I can control myself myself, my heart my passion to want to get better for my knees will continue to grow.
I am the only one that can do this for me not my husband not Elvis, not Michelle Jones not Arlene not anybody else. Just me. I have to win that battle. And by God, I’m winning it