It is important to be honest with yourself. Because no matter how much you overeat in private with nobody watching you those excess pounds will appear on the outside. Trust me I know. It is also important to know that you are the only one that can do this for you just like I am the only one that can do this for me. I wish that my husband and my friends could lose this weight for me but they cannot. It is boiling down to me to do the hard work. My weight loss surgery of choice and there to assist me and my job in life is to assist the band. The band will only allow me to eat so much which is a great thing but it’s up to me to make sure I am feeding my body the correct things that my body needs. If I overeat drink high calorie foods, high calorie foods, what do you think happens?? Well you gain weight. That is what I did when I stopped helping my band.
I’m ashamed of that I’m not very proud of it it frustrates me but let me stress that my lap band did not fail. It was the me. That is me being honest with myself. And that is me being honest with whoever reads this. If I cannot be honest with myself and why I gained weight, then I have no chance in hell of getting healthy.
My goal is not to be thin. Alright, I will never ever ever ever ever ever be thin. I would love to weigh 98 pounds that would be ultimate satisfaction. But that will never ever ever happen. Right now I just want to be able to walk without pain. My right knee hurts so bad that it hurts to walk or even stand up. I do need knee Replacements but I also know that my excess weight is hindering it and also given me more pain because of it. Such a cruel and vicious cycle.
I am one who beat myself up more than anybody I know. I always think the worst I’m always assuming the worst I’m always expecting the worst. I guess so that way when it happens I won’t be surprised haha. But I had to start somewhere I had to do something about it or I was in big trouble so I had to start over. Again. Nope not happy about it. But hey that’s what life is.
Here is what I do know that you have to do to lose weight. You have to eat better. You have to take him less calories then you will burn off because the ones that you don’t burn off will turn into fat be stored as fat. 3500 calories is a pound whether it’s liquid or food.
You have to believe in yourself and by believing in yourself, I mean doing it. You have to think positive 24/7 and you have to focus on this 24/7. This has to be in your mindset from the moment you wake up to the moment you go to sleep. I love food. I think about food all the time. I wish I could eat anything I want 24/7 but I can’t. The older I get it seems my metabolism slows way down and now that I can’t walk or really exercise because of my knee pain. I have to be more Vigilant than ever in regards to my eating and my calorie intake. But it is doable.
I want whoever reads this to understand something. Just because I’m a big girl I’m older. That does not make me any less of a person than you are. I fight my battles daily with people looking and judging me. Because people in the real world look at somebody like me and think horrible thoughts. I mean look at the first impressions. People judge me before they get to know me. I’m a quiet person I don’t talk a lot so I think people would assume I’m stuck up or quiet or shy I don’t know. But I’m just me. Weight and all.
I used to post a lot on bariatric pal.com but I do not anymore that really is a site for band Bashers. Those are people who don’t have lap bands or who had lap band and had problems or people who have sleeve and bypass to take it upon themselves to tell everybody how awful the lapband is and all the drudgery that comes with it and the horror stories. I found most of my time was spent defending the weight loss surgery choice that I made. I made it and I also had to go by what my insurance agreed to pay. At the time they would not do the sleeve so I couldn’t have got that even if I wanted it some people just don’t get that. I also know that a lot of other band people also don’t post on there for that reason. Another reason I don’t post on there anymore is because I did we gain my weight and I am ashamed of that I am frustrated about that. But I want to make perfectly clear the lap band that I have did not fail. I failed the band. Let’s be clear about that because being truthful and honest with oneself is the only way anybody can start this process of losing weight or getting healthy or whatever you want to call it.
Right now I am trying to lose weight to make my knee better and to be able to ride on the back of my husband’s Harley’s again.
I do miss a couple of friends that I used to work with I will miss their support I find as time goes on the phone calls don’t become daily as I used to be and it scares me. The job that I have now pretty much I am on my own and I don’t really have anybody to talk to or associate with. So I’m really feeling by myself aka lonely in just about every aspect of my life. if it wasn’t for eye candy and my husband and my dog. I really don’t know if I would be able to be doing what I’m doing now.
If by chance you read this far haha, I hope that you understand that I will blog as often as I can when I need to and also when I want to because it helps me again I have to stay focused on this 24/7.
When I was a leader in the Tops group back in the late eighties and nineties we would stand up and say a pledge every meeting I’m only going to say the first couple of line because I say that all the time when I get stressed out and I like to end this blog post with that
I am an intelligent person
I will control my emotions
and not let my emotions control me.