Don’t know about you but I am having a great day. I mean my knees hurt due to the bone thing and also due to the rain/moist weather BUT I am alive and I am here on this earth. It could be worse. I mean a beautiful 18 yr old girl got killed in times square just sightseeing last week. Everyday there are horrors to be heard/seen and just think of the ones we know nothing about yet.
I have decided to go with it. What you see is who the fuck I am. I am me. I cannot be someone I am not.
I am not meant to be who I wish I was in my mind (98 pounds and bearing a strong resemblance to Victoria Beckum..yes for real or Pam Anderson in her heyday).
I have a job that frustrates me more than I can say but I have a job. IF another comes across and it works for me and my family, I will leave. BUT I will continue to give 100 % and try not to let it get to me. Some days will be better than others.
Somethings I cannot control. Somethings I can.
It is ME that controls my feelings. I can let someone or something get to me or NOT. Most of the time I do but I am gonna try to not let it.
Yesterday, the click wanted to meet and have a birthday lunch. K said he did not want to go and I really did not want to either. He had just helped them Fri and Sat move so he said I got a message on FB and not answer. I was thankful I was I was invited but them people aside from 2 or 3 of them, don’t give a crap about me. recall it bothered me to no end and up til recently, remember I posted, none of them liked my stuff and woe is me. I got some great feedback and it made me realize something. Sit down for this one. It will shock you.
It doesn’t matter.
Let me repeat that again. It doesn’t matter. One more for the helluva of it, it doesn’t matter.
I will have good and bad days and not think or believe this, but it doesn’t matter.
So before, I could have went so no one would be mad and would have had a miserable time. BUT
We did go out to local pub and watch some great music. I even took an ugly pic of me smiling showing us having a good time. I posted it to. I don’t feel I am pretty and I hate posting me but I did this one. He was smiling and we were happy. I would not have been smiling if I went to brunch with those people.
I am tired of caring about people who are not worthy of my caring. I am now only caring about those who love me and what you see, short, fat and tatted up is ME. Like me or don’t. It doesn’t matter.
What does matter is how I treat myself. I need to be nicer. I need to stop saying mean and ugly things to me about me. it is not doing anyone any good. I will try even though that is the hardest thing. I have not ever liked myself. NOT ever. And if I cannot like or love myself, as Rupaul says, how can anyone else?
So today, it is a great day. Its rainy and overcast. My kitchen is a mess. I have laundry to do.
BUT life is good.
Yes it is.
PS: Hope yours is 2