My apology to you…

i am very sorry i have not been posting here lately. i seem to be struggling more than i ever thought in just about every area of my life.

my weight
my health
my job

i have been back to the dr 2x for my bad knees and getting steroid shots and pain meds..i have approval to go see a ortho dr who maybe able to help..(scared i may need surgery) and hestitating calling for an appt.

my weight..same..i have good and i have bad days. my WLS of choice works but i dont

my job—is causing me a lot of stress…i cant sleep alot as i am thinking and over thinking everything…….micro managing is the worst and my new supervisor is about 22 and i have worked in my position for nearly 9 yrs and this person still asks me how to do something (along w/my co worker michelle who has been here with me about 7 yrs). she had her yr reviw recently and i am getting mine today…after hers, i cant wait to get mine….yes i am being sarcastic…when some people get a title, mgr or supervisor next to their name, it seems their head grows and they cant in the door.

so i am looking around for a job, soso results…hub wants me to stay and i want to go…i will continue to look and who knows maybe something will pop up..i am really letting this stress get to me big time

the other thing and its that i cannot understand why i am so hard on myself…i blame myself for everything…i want that to stop.

after p hurt my feelings last yr *to which i have no idea why*, i have not been around my hubs mc friends (or their wives) much anymore…i am ashamed to say that none of them like any of my stuff on fb etc and that bothers me. WHY…i write that and feel like a 12 yr old cry baby. THIS is why i dont go around them drama

AND i am ashamed that i have gained weight back and i dont want them to laugh at me or make fun of my hub behind his back bc he is married to ms fat ass herself. (me)

and this my good friends, is what is on my mind just today…


About Banded Carolina Girl

NC girl getting healthy. Come visit me and say hello.
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5 Responses to My apology to you…

  1. So sorry to hear that you’re struggling so hard. I’m not gonna say some stupid shit like, “Hang in there.”

    But I will say something else that gets said a lot – you’re not alone in your struggles, even when it feels like you’re the only person in the world in pain (emotionally, physically, mentally, etc.). I don’t know whether or not it helps you to know that.

    Try your very very best to be kind to and patient with yourself. You’re human – and not a damn one of us are perfect.

    You’re beautiful, regardless.

  2. ap0pl3xy says:

    1st I want to say, I validate and totally get all the stuff you said. I always drop off the map when sh*t is going down in m life. You’d thin it would be the opposite. Also the work thing SUUUUUCKS. Please keep us updated on your review. It maybe doesn’t mean as much coming from someone who isn’t Sr. to you in years and experience (I personally always want someone to be Sr. in those things), but hopefully it will be a good one and help you feel better about your situation.
    2nd, OMG weight regain? You and me both. WTF. I’m going hardcore on Atkins tomorrow. The scientific info is back, the plan is healthier and my psych says its really good for mood. Ketones make our brains happy. Maybe you and I can kill two birds with one stone?
    3rd, your husband loves you. Not your ass, fat or thin. (Well, ok, he’s a guy, of course he loves your ass) what I mean to say is, screw those that judge us by our size. And sometimes screw ourselves, man I’m sick of this struggle, how about you? FB me, I’m sure you make total sense to me and my friends. I’ll get you my 411 so we can connect if you want.
    You are going through a lot right now, I’m sorry about your knees, that’s awful. Cut your self some slack. As Stephellaneous said, be kind girl, be kind!
    I have 60lbs to go, how about you? I want to be able to wear my favorite corset on Halloween. C’mon lets read up, compare notes, prep and start!

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