about a week ago, my right side on my stomach felt like it was a pulled muscle at work when i stood up..it is also at the spot of my port that goes w/my lap band….i was at work when i noticed it hurting (not hurting bad) but like you pulled something…uncomfy is the word…
the next day, i rested up and it was sore and i, of course began to get nervous and concerned that i somehow (hurt) myself…started crying and been crying pretty much since….not telling anyone and keeping it inside.
i am too scared to go to the dr.
i have gained weight back and i am too ashamed to go to this place
i had great success but am now a failure. in my eyes, i am a failure.
i do not want to go there and have them people look and or laugh at me.
BUT, it has been almost a week and it still sore and it hurts when i stand up
(not hurt but it pulls down on my right side where my port is). I do not see anything protruding and i can take deep breaths so i am unsure. BUT i fear
i may have damaged the port somehow or i am just hoping, some muscle was
(hurt) when i leaned over or something.
I DONT KNOW
I DONT wanna go to the dr
I dont wanna have my hub or anyone else mad at me
I overate again and stopped exercising and that is why my WLS of choice stopped working NOT the lap band.
i am SO ashamed of who i am right now as i write this.
when my hub joined his MC, he was so proud of me and that was the time when
i had a commercial on tv with my lap band dr….he told them because the commercial was playing all the time. i recall when he told me, i was so mad at him
i felt ashamed and i said what if i gain it back, they will think bad of me and maybe even feel sorry for him..hence why i dont go around much anymore
(aside from the sneaky/fake bitches who trash other woman..i dont do that so i dont go around them)…if that makes me stuck up or not nice, so be it..i am who i am
what you see is what you get.
i have been trying and doing well for about 3 weeks
i am doing better on what i eat and how much…i could lie
but the excess poundage is true and it is easy to see that i do overeat.
BUT i am doing well
but when/if i go to the dr, they will see that part of me
and think i no longer care
i did for a long while, stop caring. when they denied me the skin surgery, i pretty much just gave up. yup, that is true. then my mom died, his dad died, kabo died and then hubs best friend was killed…..all that within 10 months..i remember telling
hub i cannot take much more…..after all that
i handle stress with eating
it doesnt talk back
it is happy to see me
it dont care what i look like
i feel so weak and stupid and just HATE me right now
BUT i am also aware it is up to me to fix the issue.
i do know i need to go to the DR
i dont want to
i dont wanna dammit
the last time i went, the PA made me feel like total shit
asked me what are you doing and that i am going way in the wrong direction
yes i know this
YES this is why i am here
i got so embarrassed, that i left and never went back
i am very insecure as it is ….and when you are a fattie like me, even more so.
thanks for letting me vent and get my feeligs out. sometimes i feel so alone.
i dont really talk to anyone that i know in person about my weight…eye candy and michelle are the only ones i feel strong enough to talk about it to.
i wish i felt secure enough to talk to hub about it. he is my #1 fan
but i feel he would be disappointed in me and i am not strong enough to handle that
i will let you know if, when i make the appt.
i will have to do it….and see what is the issue.