i am saying good bye..

good morning ..thank you for reading this if you do..

today..i begin again..i was going to say start but today, i asked my hub for help and to be my support unit..i wrote him an email last night as i was too ashamed to say to his face that i fucked up and needed help…but you can tell by looking at me..gained weight and also by me being depressed and sad and also by how hard it is for me to walk..my knees are killing me again and it hurts sometimes when i eat so i am scared i hurt my band..i told him i was scared..and ashamed but def scared

scared to be over 300 again…and if i am not careful….

i could go on and on..but the point is, i gained weight back by overeating and not exercising…more cals in vs cals out..

i am saying goodbye to the person i was just yesterday..i am sayi g hello to the person i want to be again

i am not a failure….i am a person who chose to do what i did
now i am choosing again

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About Banded Carolina Girl

NC girl getting healthy. Come visit me and say hello.
This entry was posted in acceptance, attitude, Basics, believe in yourself, calories, carolina girl, change, choose, eating and choices, exercsing, failure, fat, fat woman, feelings, gaining weight, habits, insecure, lap band and plication, lifestyle, losing weight, Love, moderation, motivation, movement, positive thinking, positive thoughts, sad, scared, shame, stress, support, thinking, today, trying, walking, water, whatever, WLS, words, you. Bookmark the permalink.

16 Responses to i am saying good bye..

  1. frumpyblog says:

    What winning is to me is not giving up, is no matter what’s thrown at me, I can take it. And I can keep going. Patrick Swayze

    I understand choices. Making and owning the bad ones, and making and owning the good ones. I don’t know you, but I have faith you can do it. It’s a constant war, but the fact that we are in it at all means we won.
    -F

    • choices…that is KEY..i have owned up to the bad ones…and also admitted it to myself …..my hub and also the world…if anyone reads me LOL…the hard part is over..now, the journey begins…that one step was hard but i took it…….thanks for writing me my friend…it means a lot..

  2. RachelleGreene says:

    I know it’s hard, no…next to IMPOSSIBLE to change your entire lifestyle. But you know what? The alternatives suck and they WILL catch up with you. Example 1 for me: I have my father’s kidney condition, and it’s flaring up thanks to my weight. That means a kidney transplant eventually. That means I have to lose weight NOW. That’s why you got the band, right? To avoid these crappy alternatives. Be strong, GF. Talk to your doctor about your band. Also talk to a therapist if you haven’t already, okay? Mental health is just as VITAL as physical health (keep in mind I speak from experience). Be strong! I’m sending prayers and good vibes your way that you will have the courage and the willpower to do what’s best for your health. ❤ Also–get in touch if you need to rant or talk or just need someone to listen. I care about you, pretty lady!

    • i am accepting your prayers and vibes and it is helping…the mental plays, i bet at least 90% of my progress? it sure did in the past..if i felt good or felt positive, i did fantastic but if i got depressed or sad..i did the opposite..its a mind game for me …..appreciate you taking time out of your life for a moment..it made my entire day….to know i am not alone…i am now choosing the help my band again…

  3. I have been following your blog for sometime now. Reading and your posts, but not daring to comment. But today I had to.

    Bravo for posting such a honest and painful post. I know it wasn’t easy to hit the publish button. And much harder to come to these realizations. Congratulations on having the strength to come to this conclusion.

    Wish you the best of luck (to the you you are today).

  4. I too, know how hard it is to lose weight, only to gain it all back… You words could have been from a page of my own life… I appreciate the fact that you are willing to share with us when you stumble… Take heart, you are not in this alone… although I have not chosen the band method for weight loss, we can support each other in our efforts… I recently started eating healthy again… It’s going to be a long journey, but we can do this… also, don’t be afraid to talk to your doctor about your fears about your band… with your doctor and those of us who read your blog, you’ve got support… we’re here for you. ~ Sheri

  5. New Journey says:

    Wow this sounds like me….I am back up to 288 and my joints all hurt and I keep telling myself WTF why are you doing this to yourself….so I am back at it this morning…measuring, weighing and journaling, I loved your post today…all about journaling…we got this…we can do it…food is not in control….!!!!! kat

    • …..my knees hurt, my back hurts and my heart hurts because i go so down/miserable because of the choices i made..BUT today..i am better and and i plan to repeat that process again 2 morrow and the next day…we do got this….YOU know it…we have always had it…we just lost it for a bit..i am journaling (by blogging) and i started my food chart again)..

      • New Journey says:

        that is what I am doing, back at journaling on my fat secret app on my phone, I keep my calorie count there…and I am going to blog more often as it really does help…..so far so good today…I am playing with the idea of actually going to the gym!!!! kat

  6. It’s a day by day process. Each day you commit to making a healthy choice that day. You can do this! I love seeing normal people like you and me take steps of growth to better health! Thank you for being vulnerable and open in sharing your struggles. You are not alone!

    • Thanks for taking time out to write me. It sure means a lot. It helps me to know that I am not alone. Sometimes, it sure does feel like it. I hope maybe if one person sees me trying..maybe something will say, maybe I should try to…

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