pants dont lie..

its hard to admit that i havent done well in the last yr..its embarrassing and i am ashamed..i can be ashamed until the sky turns purple but the pants dont lie..some of my pants dont button and that is because i am overeating and choosing the wrong foods and not exercising..and the vitals…eating more cals than i can burn off (including my zombie drinking)..

i have had a hard yr…stroll with me down memory lane..

first realizing that someone i thought was a friend wasnt (A) being her inital and that hurt and still does..just because i dont do drugs doesnt give anyone a reason to (lie) about me…this person told other people flat out lies about me…but that is about a yr since i found out the truth and i am one who carries pain w/me all the time..esp when i see her…and i do because her hub and mine are still friends and thats cool but i cant like liars

when my ins denied my stomach skin surgery last yr, i literally gave up..TRUTH

my mom who had her own demons to battle..died a very lonely and bitter woman..hard to believe its been a yr already..if there is a heaven, i hope she could have found the peace she she longed for and deserved here on earth..

my hub has had a hard time with his parents being sick..and the his dad passing away..seeing this hurt someone as strong as hub is, hurt me to my core…dealing with medicare and nursing home w/his mom and selling the house and the dealings with funerals..i dont know how hub held it together..and still doing..

then about a month later, out of the blue, our beloved black doberman passed away very very suddenly…i cant tell you how that affected us both…less than a month since his dad died..i cant describe how i still hurt and yes it was just a dog but it was our (son)..

then if that isnt enough….one thursday evening hub gets a call that his best friend was killed on his motorcycle when someone ran a stop sign…

so after all these things happened, i gave up
i started eating
drinking more
not exercising
eating more than i know is right for my WLS of choice
and stopped believing in myself

what is the end result..

my pants not buttoning do NOT lie
it speaks the truth

it is UP to me to get back on track
i can say and write i want to
but until i do..actually do something about it..

my pants will continue to tell the truth..

thanks for listening and supporting and believing in me when i stopped

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About Banded Carolina Girl

NC girl getting healthy. Come visit me and say hello.
This entry was posted in acceptance, attitude, Basics, believe in yourself, big, calories, carbs, carolina girl, change, chicken, choose, clean eating, courage, depressed, difference, drinking, failure, fat, fat woman, feelings, gaining weight and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

37 Responses to pants dont lie..

  1. Joan says:

    Hang in dear. You’ve had a rough year, but you are strong enough to handle it. Just keep on keeping on and you’ll find a way. You can always ask for help if you need more support.

    • keep on keeping on…all any of us can do..instead of me focusing on the neg, i need to focus on the positive stuff… i dont feel strong but i think by me admitting i am struggling, in a way makes me strong…

      i promise to ask …thanks for writing me and offering me your support.

  2. Eye Candy says:

    it takes a very brave person to write the truth. We hide the truth so well, don’t we? You have done it and wanted it and you can pick yourself up again and get back into the race. Just quoting Frank Sinatra’s song. We can do it. Took my shoulder surgery to get me to lose some weight gain.
    Your new baby would love walks around the block.
    Mother Hen here.

  3. Hi Carolina Girl, Your open, honest sharing is much appreciated.
    I’m in a similar place and trying to get back on track.
    I am now 64 yrs young, lost a total of 137 lbs, half before and half after my “sleeve” WLS which was in June 2013.
    I love it that this is the 3rd cold weather season that I am wearing the same clothes in my closet.
    However, last night I went to a concert – most unusual for me to go out – and my favorite pair of dressier pants felt snug and I was acutely aware of the 30 lbs I’ve regained. I’ve done that by same as all of us who regain weight – poor food choices – for me with an addiction to refined carbs it is breads, and sweets mainly, lack of exercise – for me daily walks and yoga – and a “first responder” reaction to emotional pain of turning to those comfort foods.
    I’ve had a difficult year as well with losses and big changes, but for me truthfully it was the previous holiday season during which I got off track when I decided to have “one” holiday cookie – then I was off and running and haven’t been able to get off flour and sugar since for more than a few days here and there. Nowadays I actually recognize what I’m doing with food so that is progress while it isn’t my desired goal. Now, when I am either highly stressed or in emotional pain and I choose “comfort foods” (how they lie to us). So I say, “Anne, see what you are doing? You are eating – blank – because you are hurting, scared, angry or whatever….”
    So I hold out my hand to you across the miles because “together we can do what we cannot do alone” (That is an old OA prayer – I don’t go to meetings for a long time now but things I learned stay with me. )
    I think what helps me most is – stay in the present – tricky, that –
    – be kind to myself – “Anne, you have a food addiction, and you are doing what active addicts do” “remember you have a choice”.
    Letting go of perfection. Did that long ago though it still creeps up now and then.
    Someone once told me “what someone says about me in none of my business” – huh?!
    But I do for sure know I cannot control anything anyone else says or does.
    Hang in there and keep on keeping on.
    Anne

  4. Mary Lou Sharp says:

    Come on Girl get it together.. WE started this thing together about the same time. remember? You were my inspiration, you are still my hero because you never claimed to be perfect and even if you fell backwards you got back into the game and persevered. I have had a hell of a year as well, my husband has been in and out of the hospital really about 4 years now but ever since my surgery he has had some pretty critical issues.. he was my life 39 years of it and no finer man has been made. I lost him Oct 2, and I just want to eat myself to death. He was so proud of my weight loss and my determination he knew it was hard for me. his concern was always my health. I like you am a grandmother, nothing is better for me than to see my girls happy. I am determined to stop my downward spiral and get back into the game. please join me Virginia.. you are worth it and your grandbaby is worth it. Your hub needs you healthy to help him with his losses as well. I am thankful that I was healthy enough to care for my husband as long as I did and we did get to see Alaska together in August. Take care of yourself sweetheart nobody else will. still love you and read your blog often

    • Mary…..I have no words…I cried when I read this..I had NO idea…please accept my love/thoughts to you and your family…I am ssoooooooo sorry my friend.

      Reading your post gave me reality..You are right..Get on with it Carolina Girl..

      Love you Mary……

  5. dcarmack says:

    Eat meat and don’t avoid real fats. No carbs.

  6. It does sound like a really rough year, more than anyone needs but I know you can get back to it. You will feel better and make up for all the loss by doing something positive! Hang in there!

  7. Forgive yourself. You have had a lot of tough things going on. Now you can do your best and refocus. Go back to the beginning and remember what worked for you and WHY you worked so hard πŸ™‚

  8. Powerful. So raw and honest. Hang in there, we believe in you!!!!!

  9. geekkat says:

    You can do it again. The road to doing it is accepting the truth and then doing what you can to do better. You will overcome it and you will find your way back. Remember you are the only one that can do it…and remember why you want it and you will. Best of luck!!

  10. I wrote a very long comment, on your post about green beans. I don’t know where it went? Cyberspace I guess. Sigh. Been thinking of you a lot today. Maybe my comment will show back up. Who knows? Hopefully so, I poured my heart out. Maybe it was just too long? I looked for a way to contact you via email, but couldn’t find it. BTW, I love your hair.

    Bottom line- it is not pathetic to ask God to help us with our weight issues or to help us resist the temptations of food addiction. Not only did He die for our sins, but also for our healing which includes healing from food addiction, obesity, and a life of defeat.

  11. BTW: I love your blog.

  12. @fittynotfattygb says:

    Be kind to yourself, you have had a hard time and loss of loved ones hits at strange times – a song, a glimpse of someone similar whilst shopping, a favourite place for walking your precious Doberman. You are strong enough to tell the truth on here, you can be strong enough to avoid temptation and you should treat yourself as much as you can – though try not to do it with food. A good movie? A catch up with a friend? A phone call to someone you care for and keep not finding the time? If you slip up, don’t berate yourself and then slip further. Accept you made one bad choice but know your next ones can be good! Sending blessings from Britain X

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