Did she or didnt she ???

well, that answer is a YES.

i got home
and it was a crappy day at work…i am stressed to the max and fed up with everything (i think i am also beginning to pms so big fun to be had–dont be jealous okay)……and the last thing i wanted to do when i got home (got bra off etc) was go for a walk

BUT i did
did i go a block? yes
actually i went 2….and the last one was up hill

i can feel it in my thighs today–GREAT SIGN

i kept thinking, remember when you started, i could not even stand 5 minutes..i recalled that..

so i got off my track
so what
does it matter?

well, yes it does BUT i cant change what i stopped doing…i just have to change what i do now..so if i cant run 56 miles in an hour or walk 1 mile (yet), if i keep going…my confidence will build back up as right now i dont have it..and i am struggling with my thinking…how i see myself..

this morning, hub has been sending me pics of myself from last year..i see it and go yuck as i am a fat ass..i asked why you sending these to me? he said he wanted me to see myself…fuck i know what i look like okay…..short, fat, saggy skin…….i mean really??

right now, i see myself as a failure
someone close to me said that recently to me, remember??
and it hurt me terribly…still does…this same person also made fun of me because i only walked a block day before yesterday…
words hurt me deeply..always have..sure i know sticks/stones but
i am not as strong as some..

so today….i intend to walk again
will it be 1 block? will it be 2?

i dont know but i will be walking

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About Banded Carolina Girl

NC girl getting healthy with help from Lap Band WLS. Come visit me and say hello.
This entry was posted in attitude, walking. Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Did she or didnt she ???

  1. I used to worry a lot about what other people think. Not anymore. You only need to care about what you think about yourself. Opinions are just opinions – there is no right or wrong. Only you know what is right for you and how great you can be, Hang in there!

  2. I am so proud of you. One step at a time. One more drink of water. Just a little more activity and a little less on the plate. Just a little. We did not gain it all in a day and it will not come off in a day either. Step by step. For you not for anyone else.

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