Did she or didnt she ???

well, that answer is a YES.

i got home
and it was a crappy day at work…i am stressed to the max and fed up with everything (i think i am also beginning to pms so big fun to be had–dont be jealous okay)……and the last thing i wanted to do when i got home (got bra off etc) was go for a walk

BUT i did
did i go a block? yes
actually i went 2….and the last one was up hill

i can feel it in my thighs today–GREAT SIGN

i kept thinking, remember when you started, i could not even stand 5 minutes..i recalled that..

so i got off my track
so what
does it matter?

well, yes it does BUT i cant change what i stopped doing…i just have to change what i do now..so if i cant run 56 miles in an hour or walk 1 mile (yet), if i keep going…my confidence will build back up as right now i dont have it..and i am struggling with my thinking…how i see myself..

this morning, hub has been sending me pics of myself from last year..i see it and go yuck as i am a fat ass..i asked why you sending these to me? he said he wanted me to see myself…fuck i know what i look like okay…..short, fat, saggy skin…….i mean really??

right now, i see myself as a failure
someone close to me said that recently to me, remember??
and it hurt me terribly…still does…this same person also made fun of me because i only walked a block day before yesterday…
words hurt me deeply..always have..sure i know sticks/stones but
i am not as strong as some..

so today….i intend to walk again
will it be 1 block? will it be 2?

i dont know but i will be walking


About Banded Carolina Girl

NC girl getting healthy with help from Lap Band WLS. Come visit me and say hello.
This entry was posted in attitude, walking. Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Did she or didnt she ???

  1. I used to worry a lot about what other people think. Not anymore. You only need to care about what you think about yourself. Opinions are just opinions – there is no right or wrong. Only you know what is right for you and how great you can be, Hang in there!

  2. I am so proud of you. One step at a time. One more drink of water. Just a little more activity and a little less on the plate. Just a little. We did not gain it all in a day and it will not come off in a day either. Step by step. For you not for anyone else.

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