How am I feeling??

i am feeling (ok)
just taking it day by day

feelings still very sad but i seem to be coming out of it…the person who hurt me
with those words is of course acting like (nothing) happened..how can that possibly be?
i know i am more easy to get hurt due to my low self esteem and low self doubt and because i am not a strong person to begin with……where is this person is very very strong..

but anyhow….its me that is the issue here
i today at work wore one of those (dresses) they mention that fat people wear
it actually is quite pretty to me and its comfy and as a couple of comments said
wear it and say F**K you or F**K it if anyone says/thinks anything negative about it..
so thank you for those who gave me some backbone to do that LOL

lord knows i sure do need it..

BUT so what did i do so far today to make myself feel better or (healthy)?
well, i again parked far from the office door (to walk farther) and instead of going up the steps, i walked around the long way…..more steps..

and what else did i do….i took a deep breath and said to myself, it is what it is

so how am i feeling today? i am feeling…ok

and that is ok

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About Banded Carolina Girl

NC girl getting healthy with help from Lap Band WLS. Come visit me and say hello.
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11 Responses to How am I feeling??

  1. It is nice to see that you are challenging yourself by parking further than necessary and walking more. Good for you. You are on the right track. Try to make it a habit and come up with another activity or habit that will help you be healthy. It can be meal planning, trading coke for water, anything. Nothing is too big or too small. Keep going strong.

    • yes….i found out after my WLS, i could hardly walk as i was so large…i recall what that felt like vividly..and i lost the majority of my weight by not being able to eat much due the lap band and mainly by me eating excellent food choices (to which i have admit time and time in front of the whole world) i have not been doing….i have ate more calories than i can burn off and hence…regain some weight..

      one change
      one thing
      little things do and can add up
      the thing is to repeat daily for best results..

      thanks for writing

  2. chicarosita says:

    I wore a very pretty dress today too. I love this dress from forever 21+. You seem like a very lovely person who has been criticized and bullied because you are not conforming to society’s beauty standard. Screw them! Your dress wasn’t the only pretty thing strutting to work today. It was you too. I think it’s really great that you shared your experience today. It’s a form of self-care and love to write down your thoughts, feelings, and experiences. Thank you for sharing. And, by the way, you are entitled to feel whatever you are feeling. If someone hurt you, they are accountable whether you have low self-esteem or not.

    • your words are very comforting. i was criticized right out the gate by my mom…who prob did not know any better……but i was not ever good enough/thin enough or could be anything like my brothers..

      i use to think i was okay looking even though i am still chunky…and since this person said these things and then told other people they think i am a failure, my whole outlook on myself has changed…i feel really bad..i dont feel sorry for myself but i do feel bad….i dont have any spirit…i saw that person yesterday and told them i was sorry that i was wearing a sundress that they hated….they looked at me like what????

      why can i just be?
      why cant me being me……be enough?

      thanks for writing..good to hear from you

      • chicarosita says:

        Thank you for sharing this with me. I know your experience and mine are not identical, but I have written previously about my relationship with my mom. At best, I think she was ill-equipped to talk to me about body image and confidence as I was growing up. I’ve found that cutting certain people out of my life or distancing myself from them has aided me in my self-esteem. It’s not easy to do that. Sometimes those people were long time friends or family members, but they didn’t value me as a person and that made the decision a little easier. You should never have to apologize for wearing a pretty dress. If you love the dress and feel good wearing it, than ‘efftheirbeautystandards’ as Tess Holliday would say.

  3. Paige says:

    I applaud you wearing what it is that you want to wear. I also think, out of the two, you are the stronger one. It takes a weak person to take a potshot at someone else’s self image.

    • well, i saw the person yesterday and i actually said i am sorry i had this flower sundress on as i know you dont like me in it…..they were like what?? its very pretty……yeah right

      i am shook up
      i thought i looked ok….as is
      yeah i am short/chunky/pudgy but i dont think i am butt ass ugly
      but people see fat people as just that……ugly

      now i am doubting everything i do/say/feel
      those words affected me a lot…

      thanks for writing….it gave me a nice warm feeling

      • Paige says:

        What has helped me is looking at a photo of myself at the start of it all and then one recent. Preferably side by side. I wasn’t a less worthy person then than I am now; I just feel better after seeing it.

  4. I have admired you from afar and in reading your words of the past I learn to respect that strong, sassy and quite lovely lady. I have this to say to you… This is a journey we are on., we each know what we want and only we know the price that we pay day by day. Both you and I know that the decision to have WLS is not a simple or easy one and yet in working on our own self image of a healthier, thinner, stronger and yes why not maybe more attractive person we decided to go ahead with it. This is not a shortcut., this is not easy., this is not for just anyone so as you look inside please look for the conviction that made you decide to get WLS and bring it forward. You have had success and you have said it yourself it is one step at a time. One thing at a time. You have tasted success and that will make it easier for you. Not easy but easier. Look inside because the only person that matters is you. Your only challenger is you. Please do not give anyone else the power to rain on your parade. Be you. Rock the shoes and clothes that fit you best and remember that even those clothes and them shoes are a triumph compared to some time ago. Be proud not because you are better than others but be proud because you are better than you were and be proud because you are doing something about it. As I have expressed it at other times you have my respect and admiration. Go rock with your bad self. Jose’

    • i have re-read this over and over again..i tried to remember that person who took that challenge and wonder where she is …..it is not easy is it..i feel like such a failure jose…

      in alittle over a week, i will be with his friends…i dont want anyone to laugh at me or feel sorry for him because of what i look like….

      i just have to try again dont i?
      do you think i am a failure because i have gained some weight back?

      be honest…

  5. I think that you are allowing the outside influences to influence your insides.
    I can guarantee you that at other times you have seen the number on the scale be higher from one week to the next and at times from one day to the next.
    I think that you need to figure out why this time is hitting you as hard. Why is it that this person has so much power and the ability to exercise it.
    I told you before it is about you. If you are truly messing up then as well let’s figure it out. I noticed that when things are this off usually there is more than just one thing. Take it one at a time. First of all let’s build from the inside out. Pen and paper and let’s figure out what we are dealing with., honesty and clarity. Again, it will be more than one…. Find the easier one and gain momentum by controlling it then, take the next one again the easiest one and build more momentum.
    You will not conquer it all in one day.

    It has been my impression that you have a strong support structure with your husband so hang on to him. Let him carry you for a second and breath. For all we know you are still dealing with the lost of your puppy.

    All I am saying is that one step at a time. Building each and every day. And when you go to that social gathering wear something that makes YOU feel good and sexy. And make sure you wear a pair of nice sexy shoes (C’mon we all know you have them) and know that that day just like every other day you are working on a better you.

    Do not let the number on the scale define you. Yes have goals but your goals do not necessarily need to be the kind that make you drown in frustration instead, they should inspire you.

    I am here should you need someone to visit with.

    Do not let anyone, anyone bring you down specially yourself.

    Smile, chin up, Rock On.

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