hating myself 2day

i hate my saggy stomach and saggy upper arms and mountain thighs..but it is who i am..without skin surgery, i will have sag..and as you know, my ins denied me having it and i dont have the $ to get it..and IF i did, i would get/do things for the house as that is way more important.

when i go places, i wonder are people looking at me going look at her? why is she wearing that? doesnt she know you can see her stomach/upper arms?? some people maybe put off looking at me or even disgusted BUT what am i do do? stay home? hide behind the bushes? sure i am embarrassed at how i look but it is who i am and it is what i look like presently. is it wrong to be short and overweight and have excess skin?

yesterday i walked out of the office to go to the bathroom and passed a man and i saw him glance (down) at me as i am super short haha but i saw him look at my stomach..i swear it..why? i know its visible but does that define who i am? my stomach or my upper arms?? does that make not as good as someone thin?

i WISH i was thin
i swear i would love to be 100 pounds for 5 minutes lol

but tonight, we got a bike to ride to
am i going to embarrass my hub? am i going to embarrass my friends due to what i look like?
i try NOT to let anyone think i am anything other than jolly as aint us fat people suppose to be jolly??

i did this to myself
i need to accept it
i realize it and somedays are better than others
but today, i am hating myself…

thanks for listening.

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About Banded Carolina Girl

NC girl getting healthy. Come visit me and say hello.
This entry was posted in acceptance, attitude, big, carolina girl, fat and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

11 Responses to hating myself 2day

  1. You are loved just as you are. But don’t give up.
    I’ve lost 80 pounds +\- depending on several issues. I also have sagging skin and I agree with you. How would I feel about looking in the face of a child and knowing I spent money on self-improvement surgery. What I hate the worst is my collapsed cheeks. I now have new wrinkles there. But after talking to my Lord about it, He said, “If your face reflects My Presence, then all who see it wi see your beauty.” Wow! Isn’t God wonderful? He sees you as beautiful too!
    http://www.talkingtomyweightlosscounselor.wordpress.com

  2. jrstephens77 says:

    Wish we people care less about how someone perceives them and focus on just themselves. Be goofy, be nerdy, walks round in yesterday’s sweats, slap your husband’s ass. Who cares what they think, good chance you’ll never see them again and if you do oh well. What they think shouldn’t influence how people “should” be. What matters is your own life and how you live it. I know my “eff your beauty standards” is preachy, but it’s just a message that one should live to live and to live as long as possible. That’s all that should matter, oh and of course what your kids think of you 😉 you are their role model. Bravo on the weight loss goals 🙂

    • I loved every word you wrote. YOU made my entire day and YOU made me see some sense. Preach away as it is wanted and was def needed. thank you for taking time out to write me.

      • jrstephens77 says:

        It sounds corny, but being honest. We focus tooooo much on what people think of us, but what doesn’t that achieve in the end? Nothing. I mean literally put yourself in their mentality, yes they’ll look at you and think wow she’s hefty, but they don’t know you. They don’t know that you’re working on changing that perception. By the time they get home for whatever, you’ll just be a fleeting memory. Unless you’re a looney bat-shit crazy drama queen who threw her Starbucks drink across the store yelling “obaaaammmmaaaa rules!!! Ferris Bueler drools!!!”, you’re just another human in a billion. 🙂
        Now I’m following your blog in hopes of seeing some progress down the line 🙂

      • i am a looney bat shit crazy drama princess LOL esp once a month…..

        YOUR words have encouraged me to look at myself…and i hate that..but you are letting me see something i dont see…reality…yes, they can see me now but they didnt and dont see where/who i was when i started……and that is way better now then then and only just blip on the map towards where i want to end up..and if i keep going, i will get there.

        i do worry what people think. i blame my mom for that..and i wish i did….my hub doesnt care one bit…i wish i hate that type attitude

        when i see a large person, i dont see the outside…i dont judge…been there/done that..i wish everyone did that

        but i am guilty. i judge myself so harshly that i dont need any help

      • jrstephens77 says:

        I once did too. Caused many depression issues and a really bad drinking problem. Then my nieces came into the world and they became priority. I needed to set a good example. What they think of me matters and that’s all.
        It takes time, people don’t change in a snap. As you receive the positive progress in your life, it’ll motivate you even more. I can promise that. I don’t evvverrr go back to the lifestyle I once had. I’m enjoying this one way too much. 🙂

      • i am def enjoying my life now…knowing i can walk, climb on hubs harleys and wear cute clothes…and sometimes i drink too much also…and you are right, what matters is us….i think once i get past my moment here, see and talk to the dr on tues, have the xray to make sure my lap band is ok, i will feel much better…

        life is to be lived and that is what i want to do

        so proud of you

  3. sueves says:

    Don’t hate yourself you should be proud of any weight loss. I know it can be difficult. I lost 75lbs and I do still have some sagging skin but dressing carefully all of this is out of site and my husband is never critical. It si important to ,love yourself Sue

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