Walking in high heels

the ONLY people we need to concern ourselves with/about is the person who looks back at us in the mirror…it is easier said then done. BUT what i know and what i feel is true is that if you talk bad about someone (to other people) those people will see you as a miserable person for talking about them…

if someone said some thing about me to someone (that wasnt true….that is a lie or made up or catty) and the people it was told to (believed it) then shame on them all..i also feel that if a person trashes someone else, they most assuredly will trash you also (behind  your back).

i have found out lately who my friends (are) and who they (arent)…yes it hurts and yes i spend time thinking what could i have done differently…or done to (join) in the popular crowd…i am not much of a (follower)..i sometimes tag along but def wont follow the * in * crowd

yes i am talking about that (friend) who suddenly stopped talking to me around xmas time and i have seen her from time to time recently..i give her a hug and how you doing and that is about it…my feelings have changed towards her….and it bothers me and i dont know why…well, actually i do know why…..because i thought she was (my) friend…thought she was…

i know think its me with the issue…it (has) to be..and now i am worried that people will stop liking my hub because of me (and whatever she said/or has said) they/whomever may believe it..i would be upset if that happened…i have discussed it with him and he said he dont care, he dont give a fuck and if they did, fuck them…i wish i could be that (secure) in my thinking..

so as i sit here and ponder this for like the zillionith time, i am wondering why does it bother me and why do i care…i have no idea..i hate being nice sometimes..i hate feeling like everything i do is not good enough…work/home/everything i do in life…

and i admit that my WLS has not been high on my need to do list…life happens and it has been a hum dinger…my mom dying, then his mom sick and then dad back and forth until the last time he passed away after a few months sick/hospice and my being sick nearly all last month…i  just cant seem to get it together…i just cant seem to get my SHIT/head thinking straight…

WTF is wrong with me?

i make no excuse…i am who i am..i just walk in my high heels and try not to trip


About Banded Carolina Girl

NC girl getting healthy. Come visit me and say hello.
This entry was posted in acceptance, attitude, believe in yourself, big, carolina girl, change, choose, failure, high heels and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Walking in high heels

  1. Eye Candy says:

    Mother Hen, here. Why the fuck do you hug her?? I wouldn’t. Just say, Hi and that’s it. She has the problem not you.
    About the eating, exercise etc. Last week I said, FF Arlene, start eating right. I am 80% good and lost a few pounds. I am also trying to move the body more but today not too much, been doing house shit today. If I can do it, you can and you will. Take Kobo for an after work walk and let the fresh air, air out the negative crap. I love you and you know it!!

  2. dcarmack says:

    I reply to your posts a lot because you ask great questions. The reason it bothers you when you lose a friend like this is because of your tender self image. It confirms in your mind that you aren’t worthy. It’s easy to say “I don’t care” but you do. You worry that you aren’t worthy. You long to belong. You feel abandoned again and helpless to restore your sense of belonging. It goes back to yur feeling that you are not worthy. Lately you are becoming more sure that you are worthy. I read that here too. But you doubt when you are abandoned. Well that fish got away. For whatever reason. You have nothing to prove to the past. You must use the past only to guide the future. Look forward without regret. Feel free to use any of this in your next post. Appreciate your feelings you are having about past losses. Do not fight them. Use them.

    • Boy did I ever need to read this today. I have to admit i have read it several times. You hit the nail on the head in every dagum word. Thank you for taking a moment out of your time to write me this. It hit a direct target and one that I needed to read…one I need to listen to and ONE I need to accept as truth. Thank you again and so very much ♥

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