troubled–need advice

last year, my hub made a friend and introduced me to his wife in hopes we would become friends..and we did or so i thought..she does not have a weight problem so its not anything to do with that..i would say right before my mom died in sept, this person basically stopped wanting to do anything with me..i mean she was nice to my face and seemed to still like me…but now, whenever i am around her, i feel like shit as her attitude towards me has changed…and the hard part is i dont know why

yes it troubles me
yes it bothers me
and i hate that i let it bother me so

last sat, some ladies met up for dinner and the chill i felt was a slap in the face to me
i am not into games or high school i like her better than you drama..but it concerns me..i dont
know why or what..maybe that is why i have let it get to me..because i dont know why..

so i will be seeing her in the do i handle it?
do i just be who i am? be myself or do i beg her to talk to me and let me know what is wrong..
or do i just ignore the high school pit pat BS

i wish i didnt care
i have spent my entire life caring what other people thought/think of me
and let if affect me so much that i am as insecure as they come..sure i can play it off
well sometimes but inside it bothers me..

i dont think i am jealous that she is spending time with other people now
people meet others and its a big ole world out there..
they smoke and do things that me and hub dont and i dont like/want to be around those things..but i guess
the not knowing is what bothers me the most.

i have enough on my plate…heavy duty work hubs parents on going health..(and my FIL terminal crisis) that i feel stupid even caring about this stupid thing..but its not stupid to me dammit..

i pondered if someone came to me and asked, i would say kill with kindness and smile
and say its not you..

and this i can say, it is NOT me with the problem..not if i could just stop caring/thinking about it.

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21 Responses to troubled–need advice

  1. itsjustlittleoldme says:

    Honestly, if it’s bothering you that much then it’s something to be confronted.
    Ask her round for coffee or something and just ask if something has been done that’s upset her and that you feel a little uneasy.. It could be she isn’t aware of any issue, or she feels as if you don’t want to be around her if you’re not into the same thing.
    Have a friendly chat and find out where you stand. Here if you need anything.

  2. I was raised NOT to care what people think of me, but I still do, LOL…Going on half a century old and I still let it bother me if someone doesn’t like me. This creates kind of a conundrum because I just recently obtained a second department to supervise and know that you can’t please everyone, so this is something I’m working on.

    If it were me? I would see about maybe sitting down with her over lunch or coffee or something and just asking her if you have done something off-putting that has resulted in the distance between the two of you.

    I see that itsjustlittleoldme said basically the same thing. 🙂

    • my mom made me so insecure and i grew up concerned what everyone thought of me…am 49 and still thinking sad is that..i did ask before and she said all fine…but the actions speak louder than the words…nothings wrong

  3. Dee Unicorn says:

    I agree with Julie and itsjustlittleoldme, since it does bother you, have a chat to her. Though I will add that if she continues to be frosty after the chat and says nothing is wrong, it’s time to ignore it and let her steep in her drama. It is hard to not allow it to affect you but don’t get drawn in to this sort of petty crap. Nobody needs that.

    • thank you for responding..and the others..i forgot to add that i did ask her and (her hub separately) what was wrong..both said nothing..the last time i asked she just said we have different interests etc which is true but unlike her, i never changed my way around her..calling/texting/emailing etc…

      i think you guys are right…it is petty and if i am secure in knowing i did not do anything (which i didnt or i would confess) to let it go and just continue being who i am..which is all that i am anyway..

      • Dee Unicorn says:

        Good. Nobody needs that ridiculous high school rubbish. You’ve made the effort and tried to continue the friendship. Best to let it lie now.

      • you are right sweetie..i am 49 and i feel around her like i am 13 are also right, i did make an effort and well, hence my posting today..let it alone is what i am def going to try to do….now if i could get my mind to comply

      • That’s the spirit. If you are anything like me, you will go over it and over it with a fine tooth comb until you are sure you didn’t do anything wrong…If that’s the case, and it sounds like it is? Just keep on being your own terrific self. Not everyone is like us. If their way is to withdraw because of uncommon interests, then ok…No harm, no foul! ❤

  4. karenmlou says:

    Acceptance Addiction! We all have it to some degree. You are not alone! Some people choose to back off if you have a loss or problem in life. They don’t like listening as much as talking. My mom always told me in these situations…consider the source! Give her the cold shoulder and move on to a friend who shares..talks and listens! Good luck it’s not easy as it sounds. Blessings!

  5. Eye Candy says:

    love everyone’s answers. I see you all ready asked the c**t what her problems is, so f**k her and the high horse she came riding on because it wasn’t a Harley. You know I don’t sugar coat when it comes to telling you anything.
    The snow globe is shaking again in Boston. UGH! CG go enjoy your day and screw her. Send my love to ‘K’.
    Love you too.
    Eye Candy

  6. tamara1 says:

    I think you should confront her in a casual way. As someone else said maybe over coffee… or the next time you see her just tell her you need a moment of her time. If it is bothering you so much and you have to see her then I would address it.
    At the same time I would join a meet up group or call another friend to go out with. I would try to build my friendships so that this one person couldnt throw me off so much.
    I totally sympathize as I’m the type that does my best to make everyone always like me. I analyze all I’ve said and done and it gets me no where. It is much better to just try to build your network with people that don’t cut you out so easily.

  7. Carina Roxanne Nausner says:

    I know exactly how you feel. I had the same thing happen to me a over a year ago, I was so tight with my friend and then she suddenly turned round and stopped hanging out with me, talking to me, including me; when I asked her if I’d done anything she said no and gave a shitty reason for why she’d been hanging around with other people. It hurt, it hurt for a very long time, I think the biggest why was because there wasn’t a solid reason to why she just left me behind. You just have to accept it and move on, they’re not worth it if they in some way ‘throw’ you away, intentionally or not they should realise. There are plenty of people out there who will have similar interests as you and want to spend time with you – keep smiling and direct your energy to those lovely people 🙂 Chin up hun! xx

  8. threehourdiet says:

    Sometimes people get that way when they think that YOU somehow slighted THEM! Maybe you didn’t lean on her enough -or she felt left out of something etc. (Honestly, some people are sooo sensitive!) The way I handle that is I just ignore them since their problems aren’t my problems. For a second, pretend you are the one ignoring someone for some petty reason. Would you, as the brat, really deserve someone coming to you and pleading your friendship? Sometimes people just need space. this has happened in my friendships many times (I’m older than you!) and I give them space, ignore them, and that seems to be the best thing. Once they see you aren’t bothered by it, suddenly– -or with time—THEY get insecure and try to resolve it. Next time you’re with her, since she is ignoring you, just give her lotsa space, ignore her, and have a great time with everyone else- and if she suddenly changes her mind and is nice, then be grateful your friendship is renewed (though she deserved a kick in the pants.!!!
    ps, I posted something on facebook by lonard Nimoy, I love this and this excerpt relates to your situation…A Mighty Girl
    In memory of Leonard Nimoy, who passed away today at the age of 83, we’re sharing his amazing 1968 response to a biracial teen girl who felt rejected by her peers due to her race. Nimoy was touched by the girl’s situation and wrote her a very thoughtful response describing Mr. Spock’s response to the same situation as a half-human and half-Vulcan. His advice, which you can read in full via the link below, will resonate with anyone who ever grappled with issues of peer pressure, popularity, and prejudice:

    “Spock learned he could save himself from letting prejudice get him down. He could do this by really understanding himself and knowing his own value as a person. He found he was equal to anyone who might try to put him down — equal in his own unique way.

    You can do this too, if you realize the difference between popularity and true greatness. It has been said that ‘popularity’ is merely the crumbs of greatness… When you think of people who are truly great and who have improved the world, you can see that they are people who have realized they didn’t need popularity because they knew they had something special to offer the world, no matter how small that offering seemed… It’s all in having the patience to find out what you yourself have to offer the world that’s really uniquely yours.” — Leonard Nimoy (aka Mr. Spock)

    To read Nimoy’s full letter on My Star Trek Scrapbook, visit

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