yesterday, i had a very down on myself day…as my friend eye candy says, i considered myself a fat fuck most of the day…yep and i wallered in my own self short comings..
you see, i am short
i have lost a lot of weight
i have a lot of hanging skin on my stomach/upper arms (batwings) and upper thighs
i am disgusting looking and i really let that get to me yesterday…BECAUSE no matter
how much more i lose, i will this skin that weighs about 25 pounds on me….and it just got to me yesterday and i felt bad…ashamed of myself and self hatred…
SO now that i had this negative day, are you wondering did i say fuck it and have a pig out day? (i cant eat much as it is so i could not have ate much) but i could have ate crappy foods..that answer is NO…i did what i knew to do that worked for me.
i got home
put on my pink and black sneakers (with pink skulls)..yes really
and went for a walk…yes knee hurt but i did what i had to do..i did not
push the pain or distance so i can let it get better/heal and made sure that the
short distance was up hill so i still felt it in my upper thighs..and ATE a nice
healthy band friendly supper
so yes, bad days, bad thoughts do and will happen
and believe it or not the lapband in my tummy did not change
its only plastic and sure i was stressed but i did what i had to do
i stayed the course…i got through it..
it is hard to be positive and be the happy fat girl all the time (sometimes)
but i do try to stay focused on doing the best i can..and what got to me yesterday
and i guess from now on, is just doing the best i can..wont be good enough..
(not for hanging/saggy skin)….