being the biggest one hurts

its hard sometimes being the biggest one…

i am the biggest one in the office and the biggest girl in my hub’s mc…even though i have lost a lot…(being a short shit) i am still a big girl…and not to mention my skin saggy/hanging on me due to my super morbid obese size…YIKES and its enough sometimes to make me go WTF and who cares anymore and have a massive binge…(as that was what i did my entire life……binge and binge and then feel like shit)

BUT because i have had the lapband and plication, i can only now eat so much…and this does help me control my sizes/portions..

just sometimes, i just wish i could look in the mirror and like what i see
and mean it…and say atta girl…but i dont…i look in the mirror and call myself a fat pig…as in reality, i am a big girl…albeit healthier but still a big girl

i meet new people and fear will they like me or not due to my size
i am my own worse enemy. i need to have better thinking about myself.
maybe some people see outside of me first…maybe some are disgusted by me
but maybe some like me regardless….

so yes, being the biggest one hurts


About Banded Carolina Girl

NC girl getting healthy. Come visit me and say hello.
This entry was posted in attitude, believe in yourself, big, kindness, lap band and plication and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to being the biggest one hurts

  1. cherished79 says:

    Wow, been there, done that. I don’t know how many outings I’ve cancelled due to my size, due to not having the right clothing, or knowing I would be sitting in a washroom somewhere hiding (a cocktail dress and stilettos?, shorts/tees at a company BBQ, swim party at hubby’s work buddy’s house?), you get my drift. Damn shame isn’t it! Have been on both sides now, heavy/too much weight loss. I’m happier living with more weight ON.

  2. bandedvegan says:

    ((hugs)) I can totally relate. I have let myself go in the last few months and noticed that I started isolating myself more and more. Gotta get out of this funk. You can too!

  3. coversaralea says:

    When I worked in an office with other women about a decade ago, I was known as “the one with the big ass”. I remember how hurt my feelings were to be called that and referred to in that way. Looking back at my younger self, I really wish I could have loved myself and my body more. I was a beautiful young lady. Although I’ve lost weight (and some of that ass) since then, I still feel like I’m always the “big girl” when I’m with my girlfriends, or around other people. I can’t seem to label myself in a different way, so I know just how you feel. From reading your posts, I can see just how far you’ve come. You’ve worked so hard and accomplished so much! No one else is looking at you as “the biggest”. They see you as dedicated and most likely have a ton of respect for you and for how far you’ve come.

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