i am pretty insecure but i do try hard to hide that..what is it called, thin skinned? i always think people are looking and laughing at me or that anyone with me is embarrassed due to my size and what i look like..
jenny, my co worker….we were talking last week about walking. my office building has a nice gym and i never go (are you nuts…..people may see me)
she came over to me and said lets go walk..and so i got up…thinking i could say my knee is hurting (which it is..rain is coming btw) and i did not have my sneakers (i took off my wedges and went barefoot) and well ran all these excuses through my mind BUT said fuck it ….and went to the nice gym and got up on the treadmill (*it had a tv*)..never seen that before 🙂
as nervous as i was, i tried not to let it show..i think she thinks i am more in control or self assured than i am…and trust me i am not..i am so scared of people judging me and lets face it, they do..
so there i am…up on this treadmill, walking and talking and thinking to myself..people may see me
so here i am
(and let me say i hate how i look but i am who i am)