Watch Out Joan Crawford….best Actress Oscar Goes To…

I would consider myself an actress. Because if I am embarrassed, I can just laugh it off and act like nothing bothers me…but the difference is that it does…….and I head straight to the food to make it all better…food was/is my friend..I know for a fact those bbq chips wont laugh at me….

I have learned that food is not really the enemy. The food doesnt jump onto our mouth or onto my plate. I make that decision to (eat it) whether its high fat/high calorie or fresh or whatever. I have never been the one to (banish food) from my kingdom. You have to have the (want) to do this. Not just the (will).

So are you wondering how come I am writing this and need/wanted to get a lap band?

I am one of those yo yo’s…….my weight for years has gone up and down….I happen to believe that you eat to lose weight the exact same as you gain it. By what we eat or what we change what we eat is key (as is moving/exercising)..I loved Susan Powter and I did her step aerobics for years and was very fit/active and mainly was a low fat/low cal eater..I was successful…and then I wasnt..

but as time has passed, I have gotten older and with my hub in military, we’d move every 4 yrs and my support system (friends/tops groups) are left behind…..being shy, I found it hard to meet people but if you met me you would never know how shy/insecure I am…..watch out joan crawford, the best actress oscar goes to ME….and once I stop believing in myself, elvis himself couldnt make me eat the good stuff or walk…….because if I dont care about myself, why the fuck should I try to lose weight…..

flash forward from then to now/then……….now (was) at my highest weight ever……..hard to walk bc my knees hurt (cant imagine why, can you……..the load my poor ole knees must carry–who can blame them)..ashamed to be seen in public w/my hub and or friends……wont even go to walmart bc I am afraid I will end up on that website where they take pics of fat people who well, you know…

So food is meant to be enjoyed. I am a eater. I love to eat..hence why I am where I am. I just do not stop until I am so full you can roll me over and down the hill type full. So when I got involved in my lap band saga…….I started to make an effort to help myself…..been a long time since I gave a crap.

Now I do.

I am also embracing the fact that I will be as successful as I (((allow))) myself to be.

I have made those changes (eating better, exercising, stop the BS deny and its the worlds fault but mine drama). I will be the one who will do the work that needs to be done. I will mess up, I will gain, I will whatever, but I will not give up. I have come this far……..to let anything stop me now….

that includes mcdonalds french fries.