Just one thing,

Have you ever took a moment and thought about, how lucky you are?. If you are somebody struggling with something say weight, drugs, alcohol, a cheating spouse, no job, I mean and the list can go on. But think about this just for one moment. Bear with me for a minute cuz I know this is probably not what you want to hear if you’re struggling with whatever. Because you’re whatever may mean nothing to somebody but to you it’s the world.

Today you woke up. Today you have a place to live. You have clothes, you have food, or maybe you don’t I don’t know it depends on the situation. But there is always something good and everything.

I left my old job in December and now I have another job that pays less and is less stressful which is a great thing and you know what I didn’t like it for a long time because I felt ashamed of it. Here I am in my early 50s, and just a receptionist. Just a receptionist who answers phones probably 2 to 3 hundred per day, a lot of data entry, a lot of filing on share files, completing credit applications, and now have just started handling customers invoices directly via credit cards / checks / cash. They want to cross train me as a cashier.

Well I’ve been a cashier many many years ago and it’s not my dream job, but it’s a job. I don’t have to walk around far or much, I could park right by the door, the bathroom is 27 steps for me now. I can sit here and list out all the bad but if I list out all the good, the good outweighs the bad.

Like with my weight for example and my bad knees for another example. Yes those are my two main issues with my life right now but I have a wonderful husband who helps and supports me even though he’s a pain in the butt sometimes. I have a home. I have a happy family. I have clothes I have food. So things aren’t as bad as I make it out to be in my head sometimes.

We all got to find that positive thought. So just for today just for right now if you’re reading this, and you’re thinking life sucks or my life sucks or nothing ever going to go right for me. Trust me I’ve been there and in my thoughts. Our thought process holds us to the grindstone. What we think, we actually can start believing if we’re not careful. Trust me I’m speaking from experience. Remember I come out of retirement.

So right now, think about one thing in your life that is good just one. Maybe is you made your car payment or you bought a scratch-off lottery ticket and won $2 or you was able to walk around the block or you wouldn’t got your haircut and you look great, or you put on a pair of pants you haven’t wore in a long time and it fit or you haven’t had a drink and 8 days and you feel proud of yourself. That last one is me. I haven’t had a drink in 8 days. No alcohol hangovers on white zinfandel, no $20 every couple of days for wine.

So there is something good no matter how bad it seems. Maybe you have pretty fingernails that are natural. Maybe you have beautiful blue eyes are beautiful green eyes maybe you have natural blond hair or maybe you’re thin. Hey I would love to have blue eyes and be thin. Do you see what I’m trying to say?

There is something about everybody regardless of who they are, where their life is at this moment where you think it sucks to the farthest shore on Earth. You have something good about you. You have to delve deep inside and find it. You have to become strong.

I am not a powerful person nor am I overly positive. But they but these eight days, since I’ve come out of retirement, have made me realize I can do whatever I set my mind to. And you Can to. I am becoming powerful.

There is no shame in asking for help from a doctor or friend or family member or online and a blog or group chat on Facebook or on community Pages. It is wonderful to have somebody you could talk to. I don’t have a lot of people I open up to because I’m very insecure. I have a couple of people that I talk to who know about my weight issues and some other personal issues. And I’m fine with that as they understand that they also know that I’ll close off real quick when I’m struggling. You have to try.

You have to try. You’re not a failure. I’m not a failure. Some people probably think I’m a failure because I regained my weight so what I gained it. So what …I’ll lose it..

You can do this I swear you can. Whatever you want to do you can do it. YOU want to grow your hair out, stop cutting it and trim the ends so it gets healthy. You want manicured nails save your money and go do it or grow them out long and paint them yourself

I can’t remember what president said this, I think it was Roosevelt, the only thing we have to fear, is fear itself. And I’m scared of everything. I’m scared of embarrassing my family and my friends. I’m scared of people laughing at me. I’m scared of people not liking me because of what I look like. I’m a scaredy-cat all right. There it is I’m putting my life out there for whomever is reading this.

Take a chance, think of one positive thing about yourself right now. No matter how big or how small or how stupid you think it is, because it’s not stupid I promise you. We’ve got to stop looking in the mirror and hating that reflection

Remember what you see in that mirror as soon as you are and what you get. And you know what you’re f****** awesome

Put Any comments down below. Good or bad. Drop a line and say hey.

I would love to hear from anyone. Hello??

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Goals for this week

Here I am starting week number to since coming out of retirement, and I must say I’m feeling very positive. I’m feeling very mentally strong. I’m feeling very mentally capable of getting things back in order like they should be. I have my husband in my corner, I have a couple of good friends of mine who are supporting me and understanding and I also have myself. Where have you been girl I’ve missed you

Goals for this week are as follows number one, no white bread, no potatoes, no rice or pasta. However I have allowed myself to have low carb diet wheat bread. My husband last night found thinly sliced wheat bread, hot dog buns, and also thin small wheat tortillas. And in fact I just finished a tortilla and it’s very good,

Goal number two and this is a big one portion control. It’s very important to have portion control. For example if you want to eat a whole pizza that’s not portion control. If you eat one slice or two slices all the while knowing you could probably eat the rest of that pizza, that’s portion control. Last week I reordered a24 piece set of Lock & Lock containers from QVC. They were 2499 for the little plastic containers that measure out to 8 oz. They’re plastic lids and plastic bottoms that lock together when you snap it shut they are microwave-safe however do not use the lid on top as I found out a couple of months ago otherwise the lid will be stuck . Whatever goes into that container is my food for the day. So that goes the chicken salad that goes beans bat goes vegetables, fruit, whatever the mule is, that is what I will eat no more no less. Now what type of weight loss surgery that I have, the lap band with plication, has made my stomach smaller than it used to be. I can only eat so much so it’s vital that I go back to eat in better quality foods. Yes I can only eat so much. So it’s wise to choose better quality food. Empty calories, High calories, high salt content, high fat content, high-calorie, and what do you think happens when you eat all of that? If you take in more calories than you can burn off, you will gain weight. That is how life goes. Sucks I know. So since I can’t exercise at the moment due to my knees I have to make sure that I am watching my caloric intake. I do not like to consider myself on a diet I’m not restricted anyting. I am only limiting how much I’m eating so I can lose weight. If my knees were working I would be out walking and I wouldn’t be so overly concerned about calories but I can’t so I have to do it this way and I’m hoping as the days go by and turn into weeks and possibly months, I’m hoping my knees will hold out and let me start walking a little bit farther.

Only do two goals but I’m going to add on another one just because it’s very important to me, I am no longer going to purchase clothes. I have a closet full of clothes that I cannot wear or fit into that are practically brand-new and that I love. I will be in those clothes again. So buy me buying big clothes, is not really encouraging me to do better. So I am now only going to wear what I have purchased these last months I suppose, it’s slowly watch them get baggy and baggy on me and I will be in those other clothes.

So those are my three goals this week. My goals last week as a reminder was no snacking and no alcohol. I am proud to say that my first week out of retirement came to a wonderful close and that I held true to my two things that I was going to do without. I am most proud of that because alcohol is empty calories and the amount that I was drinking, was a lot of empty calories period and again as a reminder 3 500 calories equals a pound whether it’s liquid or food. And I bring pretty much guarantee you that I didn’t get to the way that I am now or even prior when I was much higher by just drinking water and eating lettuce.

My mental thought process is going well. I am still journaling heavily putting my feelings onto paper, I am speaking and talking to my husband advised him of how I feel and what I am doing and what I want making him understand that this is very important to me. I am also finding images of pictures of quotes and sayings to encourage myself. And I’m even posted those all my Facebook timeline. Most of the time I just post dogs motorcycles and UNC basketball. But I am throwing in these things now because even though people can look at me and tell that I have a weight problem, I want people to know and feel positive when they come in contact with me. Because I’ve been so negative for a long time, a year or two maybe even 3, that I am out of that I want to be a better person. I am a better person today and I was a week ago. No doubt about it.

Now this weekend was my first weekend when my husband had stuff to do and as I reflect mentioned, that I would drink a lot more when he was gone and you know what I am so proud of myself that I did not have not one drop. I’m not an alcoholic but I know that if I continued on that track I would have been there’s no doubt in my mind. I do not want to end up being a fat alcoholic. That’s just how it is that’s the truth.

Again I have to think about this 24/7. I am in control of everything that I do. Either I do it or I don’t. Either you do it or you don’t. You have to do it to make it happen. In Granite it’s only been one week, but just imagine what I was two weeks ago. I’m a totally different person then I was. I actually feel good about myself. And I do not say that very often.

I’m a very in person I have a small group of people that know me or that I will allow to know the real me and the outside world just sees the person in front of them. I’m a great actress so I can act happy. But I’m tired of acting, I’m going to be me again. And like I said I’m seeing bits and pieces of her again. And I like it.

So this week I’m going to continue on eating good food, and Portion Control limits. Again I’m not on a diet I’m just restricted my caloric intake due to the fact that I cannot move to burn off excess calories that I intake. I know somebody out there in the world may go yeah you are on a diet, I do not die it to me Diet means I can’t eat that I can’t have that I can’t do this. I can have whatever the f*** I want anytime I want. I now choose not to. I am eating good food. Today for lunch example my husband made for me yes my husband makes my lunch and my dinner he puts it in his portion control containers and he’s doing the same thing. I have fresh chicken salad. He boil the chicken that I stood up in small pieces added mayonnaise, yes real mayonnaise, add a little bit onion, a little bit of egg and he put a dollop on the very thin small wheat tortilla and he wrapped it up and let me tell you child that was awesomely good and extremely feeling. I should have took a damn picture. For snacks, yes I do not snack but I do have a protein snack during the day. Snacking to me is potato chips empty kalorik food that’s a snack eating when I’m not hungry or was commonly known as grazing. I have protein bars for snacks as well as hard boiled eggs. The thing for me is protein. If I’m hungry I’m going to have protein or I’m going to drink. I drink only water and my Crystal Light peach tea which is my preferred. My husband does get me McDonald’s sweet tea but it’s half and half and it usually ends up being too sweet so he pours out half of that and even as water into it if you can believe it.

So as this post comes to an end I really hope you have a wonderful day and I really hope you have a fantastic week. Comment down below and let me know what your thoughts are of of that anything I wrote good or bad. And remember we all do things differently we have our own ways of eating how we like to eat what we like to eat when we like to eat and we have our own ways of thinking and seeing things but whatever works for you, let it work

You have any suggestions, questions, concerns, or you just want to stop by and go hey I think University of North Carolina basketball socks, if you say that then I will have to beat you up. November 6th is their first game I’m so excited.

Do this for you, do this for you and only you because only you can make yourself well.

One of my favorite quotes is if it is to be then it is up to me

Posted in lap band and plication | 3 Comments

Stop and Start….

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Get you a goal

I’m not talking about your final goal. Of course we all have a final goal and what we want what we want to look like or where we want to be.

I’m talking about a very short-term goal in the near future. Something that you can aim for. I mean it could be something simple like I want to lose 10 lbs this month or I want to cut my hair short and dye it purple and green. Or it could be I will walk to work instead of driving my car everyday. It could be whatever you want. YOU

So think about it. Take a moment and think about something short-term that you would want to aim for. Go ahead I’ll wait

Okay are you ready? I have a goal for April and I have one also for the 4th of July weekend. I’m not ready to tell you about that yet because I’m sort of still uncomfortable about it and my weight and my knee situation. My knee situation is what’s holding me back from those two goals aside my weight of course. But me being me, and my promise to tell you the true story of my so-called comeback, I will.

I haven’t been able to ride on the back of my husband’s motorcycle this year for my weight and for my knee problems. And they are problems. But to every problem there is a solution. I love that line from the movie Philadelphia starring Tom Hanks fantastic movie. But it is true there is a solution to every problem. I can get mad, I could cry oh, I can do whatever until I woman up and do something about it, nothing will change.

So my goal for April and it doesn’t have to be April 1st or April 15th it could be the last day of April, I don’t care but my goal April is very important to me I want to be able to get on the back of the motorcycle and ride with my husband again. My right knee is the one that hurts the worst that’s the one that I used to stand on the spike and get on with. But I plan on doing it.

The one for July it’s far off I understand but we’re going to spend a week at the beach with my dog cuz I found a wonderful Motel / hotels / Beach Paradise condo where they allow dogs and because mine is trained and housebroken and our baby, they don’t mind him coming. It’s like a 2-minute walk to the beach which is a private beach. There is a lot of lot of sand and it’s up a little steep hill to get over the Cove to the beach. I couldn’t do that last year when we went my knee couldn’t do it. I was too big, 2 out of breath. 2 you name it. I couldn’t do it. I did go to the beach my husband drove about 2 mi down to the beach Main area and enjoy the water there. And also on the 4th they’re going to have a big firework celebration down here in a little place called Emerald Isle and I plan on being able to walk and enjoy the sites with my husband.

Anyway that’s my goal for July and that’s kind of a long way off and I’m not really focusing on that one right now because it has to do with me being more mobile with my knee and in order for that to happen I have to lose weight.

I’m thinking about April because it’s really not that far off but it is like, you know next year just like July haha obviously. But now that I have told not only you, the world, or anybody who reads this, but I also told my husband and so now I feel like I have to do this. I need to do this. There is no I want to do this or I think I can do this. This is hey girl, you are going to do this.

Now it rained here yesterday and the weather dropped about 20 to 30 degrees and this morning it’s in the low forties and I noticed with my knee and my arthritis that when there’s a cold front or the dance last rain, my knees get very very stiff. That is not an excuse. I can’t do much in the way of exercise so I will eat better which means I will eat healthy and I will stick to better eating Foods. And one thing I know that works, is to drink something cold. If you’re hungry you’re most likely just thirsty, so drink something. So I drunk a lot yesterday.

Today I will most likely do the same thing. I was reading something again on Harvard medical blog that I found, and they were talking about weight loss tales that they think are great but don’t really work. Especially the ones that say eat five and six times a day. Now you do it works for you screw what anybody else thinks or does because hey if it works for you f****** do it. So what they said the best way to eat that they found works for them, just to have two good meals a day.

Oh no what does that mean I can’t have three meals a day. like it’s scheduled breakfast lunch and dinner? How many people do you know each breakfast or who hates eating breakfast,? I happen to know quite a few people who hate breakfast, myself being one of them. And that is why I protein shake or a protein bar is wonderful for breakfast. Or drink coffee if that’s what somebody wants for breakfast. I happen to know that Wolfgang Puck does not eat breakfast he drinks a double espresso. Now I know how do I know that ? it’s on his blog.

And I’m thinking to myself this last week that’s pretty much what I’m doing. Because I don’t really eat breakfast. But I do eat a nice lunch and then I eat dinner and then I have like a protein bar snack. Please note again that if you read my blog this week, I made one of my goals for this week to be no snacking. I do not consider a protein bar a snack.

Picture your body like a car if you run out of gas you’re not going to be able to do anything and being a professional yo-yo Dieter who has come out of retirement I know that if I do without, deprive, starve, that eventually I’m just going to say screw it and eat the whole bag of chips, go to McDonald’s or the whole pizza, drink a case of beer… So if you want to eat something sweet, crispy, salty, you know find you a healthier option. Earlier in the week I posted a little chart that gave you some wonderful option. Hey and in the comments if you come across some other ideas for any of the readers on here, post it.

So back to the two meals a day, I think that works for me. But when I’m eating two meals I’m not eat a whole pizza and I’m not eating 17 sandwiches, it’s still healthy options that I’m choosing to have. And don’t forget tomorrow I’m posting my next two possibly three things next week then I’m going to change and start putting into effect. As a reminder this past week I stopped drinking alcohol and I stop snacking completely. And again my snacking was potato chips Cheez-It Etc.

So find you a goal. Do you want to make it your final goal, so be it or, find you a very short one maybe you want to do something by Halloween or by Thanksgiving, challenge yourself.

I am going hour by hour, day by day, week by week. That is how I have to do this. I have to think about this every second of the day. I have to make me a priority. Nobody could do this for me except myself. It has to be important. I have to do it I have to do this to be able to walk.

Now last night I missed a great Halloween party and I felt kind of sad that I didn’t go but I made the right decision by not going. I would have probably went there started drinking and probably eating whatever food they had out period or would I have remained in control? Well we’ll never know now because that day is history in my past and will never return.

Today I feel great. 7 days no alcohol no snacks. Have I lost weight, no idea I don’t own a scale. That’s another story for another day. Being a retired professional yo-yo Dieter who is now coming out of retirement, I had a long love affair with a scale. But hey do you what works for you.

How I noticed a change after 7 days, I think so. I’m waking up easier and I like my head not hurting from a headache from the wine and I also like like I mentioned yesterday, my bathroom habits seem to be better which is fantastic, less stress. I’m not really worried because my clothes will tell me if I’ve lost weight. The looser and baggy they get, that will tell me I’ve lost weight as the more mobile I become, that will also tell me I’ve lost weight. You can drink 8 oz of something weigh yourself and you will be up in 8 oz. You can take a huge #2 and be down whatever. It’s like a yo-yo and I refuse to be back into that mindset. So I will focus on the clothes.

I posted an image last night it says don’t let this weekend ruin what you did last week. It’s somebody’s Monday in this world or could be somebody’s Friday in this world. A day is a day. Your body doesn’t know it’s a Sunday. It doesn’t give you the need to pig out. Nothing wrong with eating something that’s not the greatest choice but as long as you can control it, go for it. Right now I want to be in control, I am in control I am going to control what goes into my mouth into my body. But this week has built my confidence, it has showed me that I am capable of being in control of myself. I am an intelligent person I will control my emotions and not let my emotions control me.

Yes that was from the pledge for the group take off pounds sensibly. A wonderful support group if you have one in your area. When my husband and I were stationed in Macon Georgia at Warner Robins Air Force Base, I was the leader for 2 or 3 years there of a group there and had a wonderful time and had great success. So if you need support that might be something for you to check out in your area. Just go to their website take off pounds sensibly and put in your location ZIP code and find one nearest you.

So have a wonderful Sunday. Know that you are an amazing person and you can do this. There is no doubt in my mind that if I want this to happen, I will do it.

So if you’re reading this, if you have any questions, concerns, suggestions or you just want to go hey, what’s going on today, please comment down below.

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Weekend support.. (Please read)

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Saturday wine tasting

Well today is day 6 of my Begin Again Journey and so far so good I have done well with thinking positive and Conquering the two things that I started out to do this week. One of those was no snacking and also no alcohol. I never talk good about myself but I am going to today today is 6 days since I’ve had any snacks and that’s like potato chips cookies crackers things like that not including protein bars things that are good for me, carrots excetera. No snacking excess empty calories is what I’m referring to.

Saturday wine tasting is something that I would do when my husband had somewjere to go. Now I drank everyday but even more so when my husband had somewhere to go and ride on his bike with his motorcycle friends and his Club. I would wait until he left to go to the store and buy a huge bottle of my White Zinfandel wine. And yes I would pretty much drink at all. And I would drink a lot of water to try it calm down the hangover that I knew I was going to have the following day. So today was a test for me as he had to go somewhere today with his friends on his motorcycle, and I was thinking to myself what I used to do and you know what, I did not do it. As I sit here on the couch and right this, there are three bottles of wine in the kitchen. My white zinfandel preferred, and there they sit unopened. He bought those for me. And there they will remain. Now I’m don’t know if I’m ever going to drink again or if I’m going to have a glass of wine with dinner in the future. At this point I don’t know. But at this point I know that empty and excess calories from wine alone has hindered me and made me gain weight especially due to my knee. I can’t exercise very much because of my knee pain and my knee pain is exasperated by my weight. The more weight, the more pressure that is on my knee. So I have to lose weight to make my knee feel better. Hints what I’m doing. I didn’t say I was trying to do, I said I’m doing. That is a major thing that I just did. I would say oh I’ll try, I think about doing good, I hope I do good. No it is I am going to do.

So how do I feel on day 6 from when I started on Monday and FYI as I write this it is Saturday. Well I enjoy not waking up with a headache due to wine and I do feel like I’m not as bloated if that makes any sense. I also have noticed that my bowel movements, TMI, I’m sorry, has regulated somewhat. I think with me not eating any type of fast food whatsoever, no fried foods, No Junk fast food snacks, and eating better overall, I believe that my body will now have regular movements instead of me being worried about going to the bathroom all the time. Ask my friend Michelle, she knew I had to clothes at work and if I was gone a long time she was instructed to bring my little pink bag to me with my clothes. truth

Yesterday was hard because of the work thing but I explained that yesterday. Last night we got home and we went down the street near our house to a concert outside. It was kind of cold. I forgot my gloves which made me mad cuz my hands got cold haha. But I felt good being outside and in public. I realize the more depressed I was, I didn’t want to venture out anywhere and have people see me. I think that was one reason I was scared when they wanted to move me over to the parts department cuz I did not want people to see me. And say oh my God look at that fat lady who is that and have somebody laugh at me. I’m so afraid people will laugh at me because of what I look like. But yesterday, the guys were very nice helpful. I felt very at ease and comfortable. I was okay. But we’ll see what happens next week all I can do is just try to remain focused on myself and I use the word try there because I’m talking about work, not about me not doing what I know I need and have to do. Now come Monday I’m adding two more things that I will be doing. It may possibly be three. But two of them I will advise you have nothing whatsoever to do with food and eating a food. So think about that if you want to.

I’m still journaling in my notebook writing down my feelings, and I encourage my husband to read it and if he wants to respond back to me he is more than welcome to in writing. He is more stronger mentally than I am I’m very passive and so I don’t like to argue and I won’t argue back. So when he upsets me, I will write it and I will show him and let him read my feelings in my words, because obviously I write better than I talk haha.

So today is Saturday it’s rainy and it’s kind of cold out my right knee is killing me. I was going to go to the turkey shoot tonight with him but I’m not sure if I’m going to because of my knee. Now they’re going to be doing it for the next 6 weeks so it’s not like I’m going to miss one haha. And tonight is the Halloween party for another motorcycle club near us. Of course I want to go and see my friends and I love everybody there. But earlier this week I told him I did not want to go. Why? I want to stay sober and I want to stay in control. Right now, as I write this I am very much in control. I am stronger now than I was Monday when I started this. I don’t even know what this is I started. I’m not on a diet, I’m just eating better thinking better trying to do better because of my knee. And I use the word try because I can’t exercise I can’t walk very far so I’m going to try to do better with my knee. I’m hoping that as the days go by and they turn into a week or maybe two or maybe three weeks, maybe my right knee will take on a better feeling. The more weight I lose, hopefully the better my knee will feel.

Each person is different. You eat different than I do people like different things than I like exercise wise Etc. So do it works for you I’m doing what I know works for me. That’s all I can do that is all I can offer.

I’m remaining true to myself and I’m also going to remain true to anybody that reads this. I’m not going to lie nor am I not going to hold back . I’m going to hold myself accountable. Because if I don’t do something about it, my weight AKA my knee pain, nobody is. I do not want knee surgery. The doctor says if I lose weight my knee will get better. It’s always going to hurt because I have arthritis and they give me gel shots to help and cortisone shots and they help. But I know losing weight will also help.

Thank you again if you read this, and if you want to comment please do so down below let me know your thoughts your feelings advice questions suggestions or just tell me to screw off if you want. But I would love to hear from you.

Till next time

Posted in acceptance, Basics, believe in yourself, choose, lap band and plication | Tagged , , , , , , | 4 Comments

If you

Did good this week in anything, congratulations

If you ate healthier, congratulations

If you drunk more water than soda, congratulations

If you did more exercise than normal, congratulations

If you walked with your head up, congratulations

If you stopped drinking alcohol, congratulations

If you decided enough was enough, congratulations

If you are reading this,

Thank you..

Posted in attitude, Basics, believe in yourself, lap band and plication | Tagged , , | 2 Comments